Sympathy
Lilly (c) Jiva @ www.flickr.com
I’m a Queen of Death at the moment.
I’m euthanising a lot of animals, and more than a few people are springing surprise euthanasias on me. It makes the week hard when you feel like all you’re doing is killing, not medicine.
I should first clarify what I mean by a ’surprise euthanasia’. Most people, as their pet approaches the end of its life, talk to the vet about their options. We’re told that “Fido isn’t doing very well,” or “I’m worried about Miffy’s heart condition” or you will have diagnosed a malignant cancer weeks ago, or will have been treating a dog’s arthritis for yonks and watched it slowly get worse. The “surprise euthanasias” are those that appear out of the blue- I walk into a consult to see a ’sick cat’ and fine myself looking at a dehydrated, emaciated creature who I’m told “just hasn’t been herself lately. Not all there, you know?” and I get that sinking feeling. The owners say words like “suffering” or “quality of life” or “I want what’s best for her” and I know that they don’t want diagnostics, just some closure and some peace.
I realise it’s part of the job, but there’s an entirely different mindset involved when it comes to euthanising an animal compared to treating it. When I walk into a consult room, reasonably happy at the start of the day, it becomes a very abrupt change of face. Compare it to other owners that either drop into the clinic for a fifteen minute chat, or make a half hour phone call, to discuss options and gradually get their mind around the idea that euthanasia is a valid choice at this point in their pet’s disease.I think these ‘counseling sessions’ are the most emotionally difficult. I’m not trained in grief counseling, and often people wander in without the animal, so I can’t give a clinical opinion on what I can see. When people do walk in for a ‘five minute chat with a vet’ I always pull them into a consult room because these talks inevitably take more than fifteen minutes. It’s usually on my lunch break too (which I don’t mind occasionally, but not every day).
I’m becoming quiet efficient at putting creatures to sleep. I can now tell you first hand that pet owners only ever say ‘Thank-you’ when you’ve killed their pet. Sometimes it’s “Thank-you. Er…you know what I mean.” And I do, it’s a relief for the person as much as the pet.
I try to send sympathy cards shortly after the event, a few days later, but less than two weeks, and definitely on a different day to the one the bill will arrive on. They are the most difficult things I’ve ever had to write, and usually my words flow freely. So far I have resisted the urge to make one default card for every creature and have been writing them all from scratch. It takes time, it takes patience and it takes sympathy.
I really need this weekend off.
5 comments
I have to say from experience that I would rather a vet give me his opinion on what to do in a given situation with my animal. I’ve been told “I can’t tell you what to do” too many times and it is very difficult to make that decision when you have a sick animal.
I had this happen with my one year-old kitty who had congestive heart failure. She couldn’t breathe and that is why I ended up at a specialty vet. I was struggling with whether to treat the kitty to extend her life or to have her put down right there and I was alone, with no family members to help me decide. The vet kept saying “I can’t help you decide” which I found frustrating. Finally, I went back to see my kitty and the tech looked at me and said “she is suffering”. THANK YOU! That made my decision right there as I didn’t want her to suffer any longer.
So, I appreciate you as a vet if you take the time to talk with owners about the decision and HELP them get to the conclusion that is best for the animal. Sometimes, I think they need an honest opinion on what to do because we are dealing with attachment, love, and emotion of letting go versus helping an animal.
P.S. I just found your blog and I really like it.
Welcome Lin and thank-you for sharing your vet story.
I admit I will often tell people “I can’t make your decision for you,” but I usually follow up with “But if you’re seeing this at home, or noticing anything off this list, then the time is getting close to a difficult decision.” Often these owners will be nodding along tearfully as I start the list. If they’re alone I have asked in the past whether they want to call somebody.
Only in a few cases have I been asked what I would do if it was my pet, but that’s often a useless question since if it was my pet I’d have run diagnostics long before. Some people just need to hear all the options, and likely outcome. For some people a few more weeks of life is not worth it, for some an extra twelve hours to say goodbye is all they need.
My vet sent me a hand-written sympathy card after he put my cat to sleep, and it meant the world to me. It just seemed to validate that my cat was an important part of my life, when a lot of people were already asking me when I was going to get another cat. I keep it (the card) with my cat’s ashes.
And no, I’m not a crazy cat lady.
Just somebody who loves her pets.
As a vet tech I haver found that performing euthanasia is the hardest part of the job. I was fortunate enough to work for a Vet who would refuse to perform them at an owners request, if he believed that we had not yet exhausted all reasonable medical intervention. Knowing that we were advising clients to do this only when it was the only humane thing to be done made all the difference.
@ Rockycat — I don’t think you are a crazy cat lady… the vet I worked for kept the urns of ashes of all his own pets…when he retired he moved upstate and built a home where he plans to live out the rest of his days and he buried the ashes there.
For me, one of the hardest parts of working at a vet clinic is seeing people bring in their animals when it’s way too late. Oftentimes, things could have been turned around for their animal if they had just taken the time and spent the money to run a basic blood panel or just had a wellness exam or a dental. Or just brought their cat in the first week it had stopped eating instead of on the 3rd week. To me this is heartbreaking because the animal has suffered unnecessarily, butI just don’t feel sympathy for these pet owners. I know they’re not all like that, but it does happen a lot. “Surprise euthanasias”, indeed.
Leave a Comment